i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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