I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
