he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
