Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
