can we get nightvision for the apartment?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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