i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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