Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
