By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
