you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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