if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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