so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize