I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just pee around me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
