Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
