She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
