morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
