She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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