hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
