I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
