well I can't set my house on fire every night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
