No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
