Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's great music for shaving your balls
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
