Only a mothe r could love this liver
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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