she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
