I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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