I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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