I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
