D3 body, D1 cock
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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