He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
