he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
sex in a hospital.. check
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Holy shit dude........stairs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
