Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
