But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
