HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
