Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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