What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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