Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
