Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
