is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
