i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
