a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
