i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize