That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
