Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to calm my uterus...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
