It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize