Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
