We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
