I molested 6 butterflies tonight
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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