He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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