Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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