You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
