shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I just sharted jello shots
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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