i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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