So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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