exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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