I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
