it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
