Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize