I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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