Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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