I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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