Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize