My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
