On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
