RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Operation Purity has been aborted
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
