i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
