My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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