I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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