you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
