Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well you can't waste a boner
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
