I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
