she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
