My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
