why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She bit a glass in half.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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