At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
