i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
