the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
