My brain says no but my pants say off.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
