DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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