What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
