we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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