Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
