I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
