I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
