i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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