My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
