he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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