Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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