No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
