So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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