my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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