forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
