i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
did i walk over a car last night?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
